Happy belated 4th everyone! Hope you were able to bbq and drink yourselves into a coma. Well instead of drinking and having fun, I of course got to work. Not a big deal, need the money, just a shame that I missed the fireworks.
I worked a Russian party and let me tell you... those people can drink. I went through 9 bottles of smirnoff myself, and many other bottles of other vodkas, and other stuff... and like 50 redbulls. I will be the first to thank that crowd for actually tipping. Getting Europeans in general to tip is like trying to convince DonkeyMILF to fuck me... its just not gonna happen, but NOW THERE IS HOPE!! Even engineering students know they dont tip:
DonkeyWeevil: did zey trink a lot of wodka
DonkeyWrong: yeah, a fuck ton
DonkeyWeevil: Da!
DonkeyWeevil: were the russkies mensheviks or bolsheviks?
DonkeyWeevil: or notipneviks?
DonkeyWrong: the fuck if I know.
DonkeyWeevil: No tip neviks
DonkeyWeevil: come on.
Well done Weevil. Very witty, but very true.
Overall I had really fantastic night, i mean only 2 bitches came in and gave me the whole "this tastes like pineapple, there aint no liquor init." Go back to Mirrors. If you want a crazy strong tasting drink, order vodka rocks, idiots.
On a separate note, ive been talking to DonkeyWeevil and he brings up a very interesting point. Have you ever been out workin on a girl/guy and you pull this maneuver:
"Scuse me, I gotta send this txt message to mah bro to tell him you 'n' me are gonna get nasty! *beep beep beep* Hey, where'd you go?"
We believe that happened to DonkeyRally. Its ok DR, it happens to the best of us. Theres a rub and tug at 14th and K if you really need it. No rage quiting.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Mojito
There are some nights when you have certain customers that really dont fit in. In a nice lounge like the one im in now, getting the guy who rode his stolen huffy over the bridge from Anacostia and comming in after being turned down at the liquor store is quite frustrating. This unfortunately happens quite often and theres nothing really we can do about it except serve the Zombie, Hennesy, Long Island, Goose and Cranburrry or Remy, and make sure to make it strong... not that you'll get tipped either way... Well recently DonkeyCockBlock and I had one such character come in. He sat down next to a young woman who was very nice and carrying on a pleasent conversation with her friend. Well this was of course didnt stop our hero from shamelessly hitting on the girls:
HuffyLowRider: Hey gurrl, let me get you a drank
ScaredChick: Oh thats ok, thanks though
HuffyLowRider: Cmon gurrl, how you gonna turn down mah drank?! Bartenda get her a drank
on me.
DonkeyCockBlock: Alrighty what would ya like?
ScaredChick: I guess ill have a mojito, thanks very much
Well DCB goes ahead and makes the drink over next to me so we can make jokes about the situation and discuss how bad we feel for the poor girl. She finishes and then the real show begins:
DonkeyCockBlock: Here ya go, thats gonna be $14.
HuffyLowRider: FOURTEEN DOLLAS!?!? How you gonna charge me fourteen dollas like that??
DonkeyCockBlock: Sorry sir thats how much it costs.
HuffyLowRider: (Looks at the drink with complete awe) That drank has fuckin garbage in it!!
How you gonna charge me fourteen dollas for a drank with leaves and shit in it.
Who puts garbage and leaves in dranks?!?
DonkeyCockBlock: Uhhh.... (looks at me for help. I am none.) Sir thats what a mojito is, its mint
muddled with lime in there.
HuffyLowRider: Looks like garbage to me, i aint payin no fourteen dollas for no foliage drank.
ScaredChick: Its ok ill pay for it...
HuffyLowRider: Naw naw baby, i got it. (and pays)
DonkeyCockBlock: (comes over to the register with the most priceless look on her face, trying
not to be loud when talking to me) Did you see that shit? Oh. no tip. of course.
ghetto fucking..........
DonkeyWrong: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA (not subtle)
Yeah it was a fuckin riot, we laughed our asses off for a good long while after that little show. But seriously who does that? How was this person raised to act like such an uncultured barbarian? You dont want to pay premium prices for drinks, dont go to expensive places to drink. Dont know anything about good, exotic drinks? Stick to your 40s and 20/20 instead of looking like a jackass in front of a bar full of people. Want to buy a girl a "drank" with any hope of getting her in bed? Dont be a stingy little bitch and throw a huge temper-tantrum when you gotta actually pay for it.
Now im not a racist, but doing this for enough time sheds serious light on the differences in cultural behaviors. I could write a masters thesis on this stuff, I know what different culture drink (and i set up my bar differently for the different parties), I know how theyll dress, how theyll act, how theyll complain, and how much ill make. Ill tell you right now I dont like serving at college parties, but I also am not a fan of Urban night. I do really like serving for older more mature individuals and also for House/Techno parties. Its all about the money, and the people. If you dont bitch about every drink, and throw me a tip, then I will have a "bartending boner."
HuffyLowRider: Hey gurrl, let me get you a drank
ScaredChick: Oh thats ok, thanks though
HuffyLowRider: Cmon gurrl, how you gonna turn down mah drank?! Bartenda get her a drank
on me.
DonkeyCockBlock: Alrighty what would ya like?
ScaredChick: I guess ill have a mojito, thanks very much
Well DCB goes ahead and makes the drink over next to me so we can make jokes about the situation and discuss how bad we feel for the poor girl. She finishes and then the real show begins:
DonkeyCockBlock: Here ya go, thats gonna be $14.
HuffyLowRider: FOURTEEN DOLLAS!?!? How you gonna charge me fourteen dollas like that??
DonkeyCockBlock: Sorry sir thats how much it costs.
HuffyLowRider: (Looks at the drink with complete awe) That drank has fuckin garbage in it!!
How you gonna charge me fourteen dollas for a drank with leaves and shit in it.
Who puts garbage and leaves in dranks?!?
DonkeyCockBlock: Uhhh.... (looks at me for help. I am none.) Sir thats what a mojito is, its mint
muddled with lime in there.
HuffyLowRider: Looks like garbage to me, i aint payin no fourteen dollas for no foliage drank.
ScaredChick: Its ok ill pay for it...
HuffyLowRider: Naw naw baby, i got it. (and pays)
DonkeyCockBlock: (comes over to the register with the most priceless look on her face, trying
not to be loud when talking to me) Did you see that shit? Oh. no tip. of course.
ghetto fucking..........
DonkeyWrong: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA (not subtle)
Yeah it was a fuckin riot, we laughed our asses off for a good long while after that little show. But seriously who does that? How was this person raised to act like such an uncultured barbarian? You dont want to pay premium prices for drinks, dont go to expensive places to drink. Dont know anything about good, exotic drinks? Stick to your 40s and 20/20 instead of looking like a jackass in front of a bar full of people. Want to buy a girl a "drank" with any hope of getting her in bed? Dont be a stingy little bitch and throw a huge temper-tantrum when you gotta actually pay for it.
Now im not a racist, but doing this for enough time sheds serious light on the differences in cultural behaviors. I could write a masters thesis on this stuff, I know what different culture drink (and i set up my bar differently for the different parties), I know how theyll dress, how theyll act, how theyll complain, and how much ill make. Ill tell you right now I dont like serving at college parties, but I also am not a fan of Urban night. I do really like serving for older more mature individuals and also for House/Techno parties. Its all about the money, and the people. If you dont bitch about every drink, and throw me a tip, then I will have a "bartending boner."
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Creation/Name Selection Explaination
Welcome to the DC Bar Blog, where im sure I(DonkeyWrong) will be bitching half the time, and the other half, telling delightfully witty stories about my usual customers... drunken idiots and/or awesome sluts. See im a bartender in Washington DC, proud home of the gogo concert... no, not the really hott barely clothed kind of gogo... google it. I work and have worked in some of the most recognised bars/restaraunts/lounges and nightclubs in the area and so have my many coworkers who I will be getting a huge amount of my content from. This abundance of ridiculousness is sure to make one hell of a case for AA.
Im not sure where the "Donkey" term was originally fraised but I got it from my current roommate, and I took it and spread it amongst my friends and coworkers. Its pretty much the perfect way to give people nicknames. See being a Donkey is a good thing, a term of indearment. If youre not a Donkey, chances are, youre an Ass. Also, I dont want anyone to get in trouble/fired so I wont use anyones real name or name the places that I do/have worked. But my name, DonkeyWrong, came to me when creating this blog... basically asked a friend:
DonkeyWrong: Whats a really good adjective to describe me?
DonkeyRally: Grainy?
DonkeyWrong: hahaha what the hell does the mean?
DonkeyRally: Uhhh maybe cocky?
DonkeyWrong: Thats just wrong... wait a minute. Wrong is perfect!
DonkeyRally: lol. good.
Hopefully that clears up how I will use nicknames for people. And Wrong works because alot of what I say and do is just wrong, ask my coworkers...DonkeyMilf, DonkeySparkles, DonkeyCockBlock, DonkeyPacMan, DonkeyNinja, DonkeyPeaceCorps and my wingwomen in this operation, DonkeyATL (explainations of these names next-time). Anyways I invite everyone, especially Bartenders/Bar industry people to send me your stories/rants/whatever and we'll get this shit going.
PS im a bartender, i dont spellcheck
Im not sure where the "Donkey" term was originally fraised but I got it from my current roommate, and I took it and spread it amongst my friends and coworkers. Its pretty much the perfect way to give people nicknames. See being a Donkey is a good thing, a term of indearment. If youre not a Donkey, chances are, youre an Ass. Also, I dont want anyone to get in trouble/fired so I wont use anyones real name or name the places that I do/have worked. But my name, DonkeyWrong, came to me when creating this blog... basically asked a friend:
DonkeyWrong: Whats a really good adjective to describe me?
DonkeyRally: Grainy?
DonkeyWrong: hahaha what the hell does the mean?
DonkeyRally: Uhhh maybe cocky?
DonkeyWrong: Thats just wrong... wait a minute. Wrong is perfect!
DonkeyRally: lol. good.
Hopefully that clears up how I will use nicknames for people. And Wrong works because alot of what I say and do is just wrong, ask my coworkers...DonkeyMilf, DonkeySparkles, DonkeyCockBlock, DonkeyPacMan, DonkeyNinja, DonkeyPeaceCorps and my wingwomen in this operation, DonkeyATL (explainations of these names next-time). Anyways I invite everyone, especially Bartenders/Bar industry people to send me your stories/rants/whatever and we'll get this shit going.
PS im a bartender, i dont spellcheck
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